A Dream of Lilacs

I'm quite confused, but when am I not? Lately, I've been thinking about things. The way things are now, the way they were, and the way things will change from now on. I wonder... what makes me happy?

Right now, I am happy. But, why?

Is it alright to question that, or should I just accept it?

When I think of these things, I just drag myself in circles. I want to be at home, but when I get there, I'm not content. I want to be at school, but I know I'm just going to get stressed out. I want things to stay the same, not to change. Yet, I don't want things to be stuck in this rut that never allows for change.

Am I just a fickle girl? Do I just need to change my attitude towards things? That's probably most of it.

Somehow, I can't help but think that I'm still suffering from the PTS symptoms though. My life flashed before my eyes, in a terribly grotesque way. It has left me wondering a lot of things. I want to be able to hold on to some of those pieces I think.

What do I want... what do I want...

Even if I could never achieve what I want, I think I might feel better if I can at least figure out what it is.

I want to be strong, and I think that for the most part, I am. There are a lot of things I've dealt with on my own, and I've done alright. But, given the chance, I think I kind of just want to fall apart. Just for a moment...

What is happening to me?

Lately, everytime I lay down, I fall asleep. To be drawn into a dreamworld, where everyone knows you, but can never remember your name.

She wonders what she'll do with her life...

What will happen when there are no more robots left to fight?

All she can be sure of now...
Is she likes May for the Lilacs.

"First Emotion of Love"

"Youthful Innocence"

I never cared much for the overrated language of flowers... but, I think I like these.

-Lisa