I'm at Shannon's house right now borrowing the wireless connection from next door. I don't want to spend too much longer here though because ... well, I didn't exactly ask to come into their house.
From the looks of it we won't get any net service until at least september, and by then I'll be at college anyway. So I guess I'll just be making special trips around town to sit in the car and "borrow" some wireless all summer.
Here's a post I wrote a few days ago and saved waiting for an opportunity to get it published. I'm going to malone this afternoon, and possibly tomorrow too so I might be able to update then also. See you!
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I am currently typing from my brand new Toshiba laptop. Her name is Haru and she is a model Satellite A205, with and Intel Core 2 CPU T5300 @ 1.73 Ghz. If you care about all of these crazy numbers, it also has 2038 MBs of RAM and a 32-bit operating system. The best part is the 200 GB drive.
The first day was just the initial set-up, but by the second day I had the drive completely full. Most people looked at me with this disgust in their eyes and asked how in the world I could have so much junk to put on a brand new machine. Most people also don’t realize how much room raw video takes up. The first 100 GB was the “It’s Not Too Late” movie footage with the complete three performances and the many hours of filming. That’s what I really wanted in a laptop. Room to work. It’s much easier to work when the files are in front of you and not on a separate drive or disc. That’s a real pain.
I wish I could check my blog so I could see my list of things I was going to talk about. I think I can remember a few things. It’s about time I wrote my thoughts down. My internet is still out of commission so I’ll be typing this, probably for several days, and then uploading it when I get around to someone else’s house. In my complaints section (yes, I need to make a section for that now or I might go completely loony) I will definitely list that among others. It’s prevented me from a lot of work that is desperate to be finished. But I’ll leave that for later.
The Word program I’m using is very fancy and quite pretty, but it’s missing out on some good old fashioned Word features. I wonder if I just haven’t set them up right.
For days I’ve had so much to say and write about, but it’s always when I finally sit down to get things in order that I forget what I was about to say.
Mom and I have been watching Fushigi Yuugi for the past couple of weeks. Right now we’re in the 30’s somewhere. Taiitsukun just told Miaka she had to sleep with Nakago to get the Shinzaho back. This is one of the scenes I would have preferred to skip. Of course, I know the outcome, but I have to wonder what Mom is thinking. I’m basically content with watching this with her though. I don’t quite know how to describe this. I guess I’ll just say it this way. There are some naughty scenes in the 52 episodes, something that is a little hard to be avoided when one girl is traveling with seven men. But I’m not worried about those scenes because I know my mom won’t judge me about them. She’s not going to say something like, “Goodness, what kind of movies do you watch!” She knows me. That’s the best way I can put it. Anyway, she really likes the series. That makes me happy. I love watching anime with her. Right before this we finished Now and Then, Here and There. Wonderful!
Friday night I graduated from highschool. I was going to put that first on my list on things to blog about, but I’d forgotten already. The ceremony was actually decent. Although, I did space out a couple times, I managed to stand up whenever I was supposed to. I did walk the wrong way after getting my diploma though. Stupid girl. I got a few awards too. I really wasn’t expecting any, but once I received a few I was secretly and greedily hoping for more. I think I got four, mostly for creativity. All for creativity actually.
All in all, it was relatively short and painless, the complete opposite of the rehearsal. I was totally ready to leave that awful place and those obnoxious jerks by the end. While others cried through the whole thing, I couldn’t stop twitching, anxious to get out of there.
My grandparents even went to see me. I was happy about that. That’s something that was on my list to write about. My grandpa. A while back he was diagnosed with cancer, but he underwent surgery and several treatments and it appears they got most of it out. It was a tumor on his brain I think. Well, sometime after everything seemed somewhat okay, he had what appeared to be a seizure. I don’t know all of the details, but Nana called that night sobbing and I didn’t know what to do. That night was crazy and Grandpa had to stay in the hospital for several weeks I think. I never went to visit. Quite frankly, I didn’t want to see him skinny and weak. I wanted to remember him as gruff, cranky grandpa with an occasional laugh or smile at me. I didn’t want to see him old. Eventually I saw him when he got back home. Although he hasn’t talked much since then, he seemed basically alright when I saw him. He calmly would respond to me and smile.
We stopped by and saw them after the ceremony because they left right away. Grandpa was determined to open a plastic package with some kind of sweet in it, but couldn’t. Nana quickly opened it for him, but since he’d already gotten the scissors out, he figured he would do the job himself anyway and cut the package a little just to prove he could. I thought I would cry. I love him so much. I can see where I got my stubbornness.
My graduation party was actually a lot of fun. While the vast majority of the people were over 60 years old and I didn’t know their names, I enjoyed myself. I wore my pretty ebay/Chinese dress (I posted a picture a while ago when I was thinking about buying it). I wrote to the girl who sold it to me a complained about the skirt not being ruffled like in the picture, but she said something like, “Oh, pictures are always better!” But… the skirt was completely flat with only one thin cotton strip. The dress in the picture obviously had much more fabric and was not made from cotton. I like the dress a lot, but it’s clearly not the one I thought I was buying.
Right, back to the party. Several people showed up from school. That was nice. Some of them were over for Jill’s going away party too. Yvonne came up with the idea and somehow most of the responsibilities fell in my lap and the party was at my house. About ten out of the 40 people invited came, and we all missed when Jill came so the surprise part was really dull. That was kind of the second surprise for her. The first was at the I WISH recording. I baked her a cake and decorated it with cherry blossoms and wrote “Sayonara” on it. That was for graduating from Shojo Explosion.
The best part was watching Trudy play eyetoy. She’s so long and gangly she can’t control herself.
I gave Jill the scrapbook I’d been working on for several weeks. She really loved it. That was nice. I was kind of hoping she’d cry. Aren’t I awful?
I’m watching part of the Wonderful Hearts 2006 Summer concert and C-ute is singing something quite adorable. I’ve never kept up with them, and I doubt that I’ll ever be really interested. There’s one girl who gives me the annoying chills. She’s the tallest in the group and there’s no question that she has to be the eldest in the group considering her blossomed form compared to the rest. How old are those girls? 9-12? I wish I could go to a Morning Musume concert. The one I would have wanted to go to would be Yosse’s graduation. I’ve still only seen clips from that. After that, what I’ve seen from Morning Musume has be very disappointing. I haven’t been too obsessive since she left. It’s like she was the last thing tying the group together. After she left everything fell apart. I’m not against Chinese, but I wasn’t terribly pleased with the decision to bring in two Chinese girls to the group. It just doesn’t mix. I’m sure they’ll be great, but it’s completely changed the face or Morning Musume. I only hope that Kamei can fight against change and keep herself true.
Did a girl graduate from Berryz Koubou? Or was she sick or injured for the concert? In the extra part with Tsuji she’s there though. Hm, I wonder what happened. If I could get to the internet, I would check.
I have to wonder if Fujimoto will stay as the leader for long. She’s in another group too, so I don’t know how she can keep up with all of those responsibilities. Sometimes Miki makes me think of Leigh.
How long has Takahashi been there? She’s up to be the next leader. She’ll no doubt be a soloist when the time comes. I wonder what path Kamei is going to take when she graduates?
There have been so many changes in MM over the years, but now it’s getting kind of ridiculous. It’s like the agency feels like it has to change just because it always does. The member changes aren’t for any particular reason now, it’s just that it’s expected.
I know this isn’t all accurate, but it’s how it appears. The Chinese girls intervention wasn’t for the group, it was for politics. I guess that’s what really gets me. I wouldn’t be surprised if my interest in MM completely faded. The old days were the shining days, and now they have grown somewhat dull. I’m still not used to Koharu.
Did anyone else think that Mitsui’s arrival was really soon after Koharu’s?
Well, enough of that. Morning Musume will always have a place in my heart.
I’m having a hard time talking about anything interesting tonight, and it’s been so long too I should at least say something worth reading.
I’ll talk about college for a bit then.
I went to orientation last week and was so sick I just wanted to turn around and go home within the first hour or the trip. We stopped at a Walmart somewhere before Watertown so I could walk around for a while. It helped and I was mostly okay for the rest of the trip. When I couldn’t eat anything though I knew I would be sick that night.
The whole day was quite boring and very disheartening. Actually, I hated it. I did manage to talk to three people though. Well, two, if “Do you mind if I sit next to you?” doesn’t count.
The first girl was Molly. She was really nice and seemed like someone I could depend on, or at least talk to when no one else was around. She was completely lost on the financial aid section, as was I, so we found common ground quickly. She seems like she might have been a geek at her highschool, possibly even labeled as shy, so there was something else I could relate to. I was disappointed when we were separated to. I thought we could cling to each other throughout the day and help each other out.
Soon after Molly was taken away with another group, I met Gina. Right away she reminded me of Emily. I can’t even really pinpoint why, but that’s the way things usually go. Some of it was in the way she spoke. She has very dignified words and spoke with a clear head. I saw her quite a bit throughout the day, but I didn’t want to be overbearing, so sometimes I wouldn’t approach her, although during the Spanish placement test I found her again and we fretted over the test together.
The day’s activities ended and Mom and I rushed out to the shopping centers in which we were both disappointed. For some reason the mall wasn’t spectacular like it has been the first time. It was mostly escalators that lead to large, empty halls and three different kinds of cell phone and other electronics stores.
By the end I was totally drained and devastated. The day had been so awful, although I can’t really remember why. Perhaps it was the seclusion. After being around 60 people all day I felt so alone. I wonder if that was it.
This sounds sissy, but I was going to sleep in Mom’s room in those nice apartments. I blame my weakness on illness though. If I hadn’t been so sick I think I would have survived on my own. But by the time we actually found her room the door wouldn’t open. We stood there for a good ten minutes trying to get the card and key combination to work. In the end we decided that Mom would have to sleep in the dorm that night. Luckily I got a corner room with a single bed and a bunk bed. Unfortunately, that meant I would now have to sleep on the top bunk since my roommate had already claimed the regular bed with her Victoria’s Secret tote.
It was absolutely scorching in that room and I forgot to bring a fan. The window opened a good 5 inches and only on one side. I was glad that corner rooms have bathrooms because every couple of minutes I could go in the bathroom and drench myself with stale tap water. After we finally got settled I laid down and watched most of Howl’s Moving Castle, the whole time worrying about how my roommate would react to coming in and finding another person in the room. It actually terrified me. I already knew what I was going to say when she entered. “Hi, this is my mom. Her key wouldn’t work so she’ll be in here for tonight.” It was really simple, but every time I heard a door slam my stomach dropped, which wasn’t all that comforting that night.
I finally fell asleep for an hour, but my music woke me up. You come to a complete loss when even your music makes you sick. My roommate came in some time after that (around 1:30am. She must have been outside screaming with the rest of the floor) and my mom exclaimed, “Natasha!” For a split second I wondered what Natasha was doing here, but I came to my senses and gave the girl my rehearsed explanation. She was nice. I figured she would be, but I couldn’t control my fear. I probably should have done a lot more praying that day than I had.
After she came in I felt worse so I took my things and went out into the mini-lobby. It wasn’t really a lobby. Just a little opening in the hall with a couple chairs and couches. I sat on the couch and stared at the battered, tiled ceiling listening to the fledglings outside scream their little heads off. Eventually, Gina came strolling by and stopped to see what I was up to. I wished I could have told her I was sick, but I can’t even think of the word when I feel like that so I think I responded by just saying I was thinking. She sat across from me on the other couch which was quite a ways away which made me realize that we still really didn’t know each other. I felt like such a geek because I was in my bathing suit top and I was a total mess from feeling so ill.
Apparently, her roommate was still on her silly cell phone talking to what must have been at least every person in a small country and Gina had gone to watch a movie hoping the girly girl would be done by the time she got back. It turned out she was still on the phone though and went back to finish the movie. I didn’t see her when she came back up, but I felt a little better after talking to her and was able to fall asleep on the couch. Couches are always so nice, especially compared to those awful cots. I think I woke up a couple times and saw people walking by, but it might have been a dream since I don’t remember opening my eyes.
By the next morning, 6:30am, I felt the same. I couldn’t move for a while. As hard as I tried I just couldn’t get up. Eventually though I managed and got dressed. Mom was up before me so after I tried to compose myself (and taking a peek at my roommate who sleeps with her lips open but not her jaw) we walked outside for what seemed like forever. Around 8:00 we found someone who looked like she knew what she was doing and asked if we could somehow get my writing placement test done early so we could leave. I was speechless through the whole process of getting my test done and seeing my advisor early just because it was the easiest problem we’ve ever dealt with. The administration was so kind to me and took me in like their own child, wanting the absolute best for me. On my test they even had me write a note saying that I was ill so I would be scored lightly. I was ecstatic. I’ve never had someone take my illnesses seriously and caringly. Through my session with my advisor she would periodically ask me how I was holding up. All through highschool when I was ill they would just tell me to put up with it. I am so pleased with the administration.
After the placement test we hoped in the car and headed home (I hope I scored well on it. It wasn’t really my type of topic and it was only a 600 word essay, so I don’t know if I really developed my ideas all that well). It’s just like when you wake up to go to school. You can be feeling so totally wretched, but once you decide to stay home you begin to feel better. Well, I wouldn’t stop babbling until we got to Watertown. I even munched on some breakfast.
After that the trip had basically ended and I was happy again. I slept through a lot of the car ride which I felt a little guilty about because Mom was really tired too, but I couldn’t have driven even if I wanted to. I tried to help her stay awake when I was too. We generally just yelled out random things in an obnoxious tone to keep ourselves occupied.
I know I’m not going to be prepared this August. I always thought I was fully prepared for college. But… I know I’ll be homesick. It’s something that can’t be stopped. But I thought I was stronger than this.
Time for something to remember.
Memory – 006? Purple for nostalgia and orange annoyance
When I was very young I used to always be in the children’s choir at church. That night was always so exciting. I remember being in my red velvet dress and being in the cool car watching
the snow piles closely as we drove past them on the way home.
The concert was fun, although the only one I remember is when I was too young to sing in it but was a cow or donkey instead. I got bashed on the head right in front of everyone and got really mad. I suspect someone from the back was trying to get me to behave. It wasn’t really my fault I was whispering. Natasha was talking to me the whole time and I remember she was trying to bribe me with a cookie over something. After I was rudely attacked by whoever it was that hit me, I up and left the stage and sat with my mom.
It was the ride home that is the real nostalgic part. It was the coolness on my stocking covered legs and the frigid breeze as we walked out of the church. It was the ride home in the car when I couldn’t stop smiling because I was proud of myself for my accomplishment and my parents complimented me on my energy or cuteness. I would lean forward in my seat so I was almost right next to them and hold onto my legs as I smiled and listened to them chat.
I miss those chilly, chatty nights.
-Lisa
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An Update
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Posted by Lisa at 11:50 AM
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